The funniest thing I can remember is when my boyfriend farted so loudly in bed, I jumped up from being fast asleep thinking it was the doorbell...Then I couldn't fall asleep again from laughing so much! @nlakic in London
My funniest story was returning from a family party and seeing my mum falling out of the car after a few too many drinks! I'll never forget the expression on her face, so funny! The event sounds great and I sure could use some gorgeous new benefit products so I'd go to London on May 12th if lucky enough to be chosen. Thanks!
I don't know if I have a single funniest experience, I seem to be really good at being in the wrong place at the wrong time!! But something that still gets me going is when I was in high school, we had the loveliest physics teacher that we loved to take the piss out of, he just took life slightly too serious! One of his phrases was (now you have to say this in a northern camp accent imagine ur short, balding and chubby!) "..er, hey guys shush! you are being fasicious!" now we quoted him daily for the next 2 years! I would love to go to the london event any date @missmatilda91
I would love tickets to the 31st may - 2nd June in London (any of those dates). My twitter is @hollyarabella One of my funniest experiences would be the time my best friend picked up a pair of shoes in her hallway and shouted to her mum 'who's disgusting shoes are these? they're so vile throw them away'. She then realised they were in fact my shoes. I've never let her live it down, but shortly after took the shoes to a charity shop..!
I once got dared to put my head through the bars at the very top of the Eiffel Tower whilst on a school trip. I did it, and got my head stuck, and panicked A LOT. My friend (who is now doing a medical degree) calmed me down and got it out. Eventually I found it as funny as everyone else did! @KatieD101 Manchester please!!!! :D
funniest thing i can remember was faling over on duke of edinburgh by getting my foot stuck in a wire tv aerial, after warning everyone else it was there. Safe to say, I lurched forward, ran past everyone and fell over, straight into a cow pat. What made it worse though, my massive rucksack had winded me, so I couldnt even get up!!! useless :(
Im not sure if this is actually funny but more tragic really lol
A couple of years ago, i was running myself a bath with some lavender bubble bath. As i was running said bath i noticed my cat Ethel sitting on the window sill so i picked him (yes him..dont ask..my bf in all his infinate wisdom decided to call a male cat Ethel)and put him outside the bathroom door, he ran back in and onto the windowsill, by this time my bath was run and i was grotty so i thought forget it im getting in the bath and i closed the bathroom door and got in Ethel decided to start walking around the edge of the bath (as cats do :/) his back end slipped and he plunged straight into the bath WITH ME STILL IN IT! i screamed the cat jumped straight out like something out of he-man...but needless to say poor ethel smelt like lavender and tea tree for a few days after. Brighton please :D
The funniest moment I can think of was NYE last year and me, my sis, cousin and boyfriend were on a last minute NYE outfit shopping spree. 15 minutes before the shopping park closed my sis (who is a size 18 absolutely hilarious and a complete ladette) suddenly realises that the party dress is slightly too small and the shop she bought it from is the other side of the retail park so we don't have time to go back. So we quickly run into John Lewis on the hunt for 'pull in pants' to compensate.. however after finally explaining to the shop assistant that were not after 'pulling pants' but 'pull in pants' my sister storms off and attempts to find them herself.. when we find her again 2minutes before the store is due to close we find her actually hopping about the lingerie section stuck in these pulling pants- that she decided to try on for size before she bought them... the best bit was all 3 of us trying to hoist her out of these pant's and seeing ourselves on the stores CCTV.... I actually have photo's! her response to the commotion... she bought them anyway! @tinkerlu1
The funniest moment for me would have to be when my little girl was about 3 months old and my husband was changing her nappy. She had done a 'code brown' and it was quite a mammouth one (hence me getting my husband to do it!). A couple of minutes after taking her upstairs to clean her he shouted for me as if his life depended on it! I rushed up the stairs and to this day I don't know how but he managed to do it but he was covered in poo - all over his hands, arms and even some on his nose! He said she hadn't finished going and he opened her nappy mid-flow!! Then to add insult to injury, my daughter proceeded to wee all over him - it was an absolute classic!! Who says girls can't aim?! It was hilarious! My poor husband - I was on nappy duty for the next week after that whilst he recovered from the ordeal!
Aha, well after thinking and finding it very challenging to single out one of my funniest experiences, I remembered one R.E class a few years ago. We were learning about Jesus and the Gentiles for a few weeks and I had understood the topic completely, kind of. When asked to present a powerpoint to the class, I presented it and to my ignorance, the whole class where laughing the whole way through. Turns out I was saying "Jesus and the Genitals" the whole time! Hahaha, that one is pretty unforgetable! :-) I would love to attend the Funny Women auditions in Dublin, as well as receiving the Benefit goodie bag! Thanks for the opportunity! <3
my funniest moment started like so many others surely do with one too many glasses of wine, i was at a friends house party who had younger sisters, I decided to break into his shed where i found a small plastic car to drive around the garden so of course i climbed straight in, getting in was no problem but when it came to getting out i found myself very very stuck, the entire party tried to pull me out with no success so they actually had to call out fireman to cut me out of this toy car! I would love to attend the 2nd June event in London should i be lucky, thanks, Jessica @miss_jessi_lucy
After being almost ready to go out with out looking at the can I covered my hair in deodorant thinking it was hair spray and put hair spray under up arms.
My funniest experience has to be when my friend and I went to a bar one fateful night. The song 'Time of My Life' started blaring, and my friend, under the influence of a few cheeky cocktails, proceeded to hunt down a partner for the infamous lift. Now, this wouldn't have been an issue if she'd chosen the right kind of guy - not every man can lift a gal fully over their head - nor can most women for that matter (we tried that). What followed was my friend running straight up to all of the small, anti-social, and generally ill-equipped men for this type of ambush, and shouting "YOU - LIFT ME!" in a ferociously serious tone. As expected, most declined and escaped the situation with an awkward shuffle, but unfortunately some brave souls let their politeness get the better of them and agreed. A lot of male egos were shattered that night thanks to those failed lifts. Possibly some bones too.
That lovely memory hits me every time I hear that song now. If the same occurs to those poor men, I sincerely hope they aren't too traumatised.
I have a couple of mortifying things that have happened that set me off in the fits of giggles whenever I think of them, so let's go.
Last year, I was heading to the train station from work. I turned to go into the ticket office when I saw the train was there, but it was ok, I had my ticket in hand, put it through the machine, took it out and ran gracefully towards the door of the train. It was like Baywatch, slow mo, wind in the hair, big long strides, when the doors started beeping as they began to close. But once again, it was ok, I slid through the closing doors, smug in the knowledge that I had made it, and very gracefully at that, or not. The doors had closed on my back leg, my front leg went from under me, I ended up on my knee waiting for the doors to beep open hehee Laughed the entire way home heh
I was walking home from the train station one sunny day last year. I decided I was warm, so took off my jacket and toddled about 5 minutes down the road. For some reason I looked down and saw that my shirt was open down to my bellybutton!! Bra displayed for all the world to see! I don't wear that shirt anymore...
Finally, a few years ago, while walking through a really busy intersection in town and made a holy show of myself. This was at 2pm and I was legging it to make the train. I was nearly across the road in my absolute speed when I rolled over on my ankle and just reached out to grab anything that would stop me falling flat on my face. I managed to grab a lamp post, and because I'd been walking so fast, swung 360 degrees all the way around the post, like I was in Singing in the Rain and ended back where I'd started. I will never forget the look on people's faces as they tried their hardest not to burst out laughing hehe I even said to them "and I haven't even been drinking"! I had to make one of those pretend phone calls on the way to the station because I couldn't stop laughing and didn't want to look like a lunatic walking alone hysterically laughing!
I'd love to go to the Dublin auditions, thanks so much!
One of my funniest ever moments has to have been just last week. I had large bubble wrap from a delivery on the kitchen table but it must have fallen to the floor. My eldest lad (16) was walking in in the dark, stood on the bubble wrap and dropped to the floor as if he'd been shot! Even typing this I've tears in my eyes laughing at the memory, I ran out and tried to help him up but his expression had me on my knees with the laughter - he insists I did it purposely. I wish, Aar, I wish!
When I worked for a beauty magazine, we decided to order a pizza delivery for lunch. We got the poor new sales girl (now a good friend of mine) to call up and offer payment in the form of hair straighteners and electric shavers that we had in the office!
Needless to say the pizza man on the phone was not game (it probably didn't help that 1. we were offering female products and 2. He was foreign and didn't understand much past 'extra pepporoni' and 'cheesy stuffed crust')
After fruitlessly trying to pursuade him she said indignantly: 'alright mate, I was only trying to be nice!'. The memory of it still makes me roar to this day. And of course, I had to become friends with a girl who is game for a laugh like that!
I don't live near any of those cities so unfortunately I can't go to the shows, I just wanted to share my story in case it makes anyone giggle. But if Benefit want to give a goodie bag as a second prize I'd welcome it with open arms! :)
My funniest, and probably most embarassing experience was quite a long time ago when I was about 15, over 10 years ago but still sticks in my mind to this day I had been on a double date to the park with my friend and the two boys we fancied and towards the end of the day when we were sitting on a bench, the boy I liked leaned over to kiss me, our lips were just about to touch when all of a sudden... splat... a bird pooped right in my eye. I was hysterical didnt know whether to laugh or cry, everyone else was rolling about laughing at me trying to get it out. Sadly I didnt get a kiss thst day from the guy I liked but I did eventually, seems he wasnt too put off by the poo escapade. Id love to hear more funny womens tales at the Edinburgh shows xx @xmisslorix :)
Oh Lawd, I've thought of another.. Heading to college last year I grabbed my walking jacket from my swim bag as the forecast said rain. I didn't realise (at the time) my shampoo had spilled and soaked into it. I was happily trodding along in the rain (thinking I smelled fabulous) when I noticed people looking at me funny. The rain was reacting to the shampoo and I was foaming, FOAMING! Mortification, I hopped into a passing cab with embarrassment but as I heated up little bubbles started to rise off me, I was in the passenger seat and the cabbie (god love him) didn't know where to look. The more I patted and smoothed my jacket down the more bubbles came up! It took a long while to laugh at that one :D
While I was still in high school I struggled with home ec classes to say the least. One monumental muck up involved a fresh batch of flapjacks that looked horrendous but my family were nice enough to finish off (and make out they were delicious). One afternoon I'd just returned from school to hear my brother call out from his room "why have you left a flapjack on my bed? " I replied with a very confused "I haven't..."
The cat had been sick. It was a dead cert for my flapjack. The mention of flapjacks in any context has now been known to put mother into such a fit of giggles you can't get sense out of her for an hour.
@laura_jcrossman I'd love any of the London dates x
My funniest moment happened a few years ago at a bus stop.
I was heading home from work and listening to my iPod. I had the music up loud blocking out the noise of the traffic/other people and was listening away, when I suddenly had the urge to fart.
Sadly, because of a medical condition, I can't keep farts in, I have to let them out or it can be very painful. On occassion I have been sick from holding it, so horrible and all as it is, when I have to fart, I have to fart.
So I did.
Only, because I was listening to my iPod, loudly, I didn't ease the fart out, I let rip, long and loud. I figured if I couldn't hear the fart over the music, then neither could anyone else.
I was wrong. Nobody else at the bus stop had Pat Benatar screaming 'We are youuuunnnngggg' in their ear blocking out all noise, something I overlooked. Of course they heard, and smelled, the fart. Of course they did.
But I didn't realise for several minutes. It was only when I noticed somebody MOVING AWAY FROM ME and the smell wafted up to my nose that I realised.
I was absolutley mortified. And also overcome by a fit of the giggles.
So I alternated between frantically rocking back and forward muttering 'ohmygod ohmygod' and HOWLING laughing.
I'll never forget that bus journey, never ever.
I'm @beatingblog on Twitter and the Dublin date is the one for me.
Manchester 20th April please @ivyclara I'm not sure if I think this is funny- all who I have told have literally fallen about laughing..maybe im still traumatised.As a teen I worked in an elderly home for the blind-I used to sing songs with them, talk to them and eat sweets with them and I really loved it. As it was a nursing home, some of the residents at times could be rather difficult but it didnt phase me. One morning I sat next to a lady and asked her if she wanted a lemon bon-bon. She didnt reply, but this was quite normal as she sometimes didnt answer.As she was blind she had to be fed so I popped a sweet into her mouth, which she then spat onto the floor..i perservered and started singing 'Daisy daisy..' Her fave song then tried her with another sweet.once again she spat it out....after a while I told one of the nurses and after lots of fuss it became apparent that the poor old lady had not been with us (she had passed away)for 2 hours. I had been singing and sharing stories with the deceased old lady for at least an hour of that..as well as trying to feed her bon-bons.I questioned whether to share this but her relatives even found it funny and were comforted in the fact she had had a good 'send off' with sweets and her favourite songs!
My story-my friend and I were travelling through China and she had a habit of not being careful when she went into the chinese squat toilets. One day she slipped in the wee around the toilet and went flying and landed on her bum in the squat toilet- oh how we giggled! She was a bit more careful after that! I would love London on the 11th May. I'm @KrystleF on Twitter.
This story happened to me in my teens, at a time when I thought I was cool and the whole world was watching me:
Me and my Family (mother father & Brother) were in the car on our way to our yearly beach break (we lived inland), since it was and 8hr drive to our destination, we would leave at 2am to get there at a reasonable hour. Every year my dad would need to stop for a "bos-kak". If you are south african, you will know what that is. If you are not, its the reason why men have to take the lo roll into the bush with them.
My Dad, would still be wearing his PJ tracksuit, and his slippers (this was the 80's so everything is made of towelling), and we would get out of the car and stretch our legs while he disappeared behind a suitable tree with his bog roll. Cue me hiding from the cars streaming past us and trying to avoid being seen.
6 minutes later my dad comes out from behind the bush, walking rather awkwardly. Then he gets gingerly into the car, starts it and starts driving to get back into the swarm of cars all heading for the Coast.
Of all the trees he could have chosen to er... squat under, he chose one surrounded by Blackjacks, Which are small black seed pods that will attach themselves to any fabric by means of prickly/thorny barbs. And now they were in his socks, his trousers, and yes... his underpants.
My dad is now HIGHLY uncomfortable. Because we are now back in the traffic and he doesn't want to stop, he starts hanging on the steering wheel lifting his ass off the seat and tells my mom to put her hand down the back of his pants to try to pull the blackjacks out of his ass.
I am now in a puddle of shame on the floor of the car. I can only imagine the looks my dad was getting from people in the cars around us.
When I look up my mom has her head between my dad's legs trying to get to the blackjacks in my dad's socks and slippers, but that is NOT what it looks like at all. Then she is back up and has her hands down his pants trying to get at ones she must have missed the first time she was in there. I am crying with laughter and shame and embarrassment, my brother is sleeping through all of this, and because I am on the floor covered in jackets (trying to hide) I can only imagine what other folks are thinking.
I told this story to my friends at the weekend, and we were crying with laughter, its funny now, but my goodness, it wsn't at all funny 15 years ago, when the world was watching my mother and father engaging in some kind of wierd act in the car.
I am Skew_earring on twitter and I would love to go to the Dublin date!
my story is simple. i was driving in LA and was pulled over for going slightly over the speed limit. evidently, i also had an unpaid parking ticket. mr. officer asked me to get out of my tiny, low two seater car, a difficulty when wearing an above the knee skirt and heels....as i got out, the elastic in my knickers went and fell to my ankles when i stood up, which i stepped out of and threw into the car. mr. chp looked me in the eye, said he knew why i must've been in a hurry and said i'd better be on my way. no ticket by way of embarrassment. awesome.
well there has been many.. i had headphones on and was coming home from work with my gigantic marc jacobesque style green bag.. i jumped on the tube and to my horror didnt hear that the doors were shutting.. my huge bag was stuck in the doors. usually the doors reopen and u are fine but in this case they didnt and so i was half in and half out of the train! 2 men near me valliantly tried to yank me backwards, *blush*.. and annoyingly people on the outside tried to do the same thing.. finally a man on the outside put down his big stack of paperwork and said i will push ur bag in *mouthed through the glass* at this point the train doors opened and shut very quickly for me and bag to fly inside and all of us nearly fall over and for the doors to shut again sending poor helpful mans paperwork into the air... i turned round and thanked the carriage and people actually clapped!! @indiecindi
Great competition - I love Benefit and stand ups, so what a combination. Also, great to see support for female comedians!
My funny experience was when I went for an interview with a company, and after meeting my interviewer in the company's reception we had to go across to another building for the interview. There was one of those circular door things you push to go round in, and I thought each compartment looked big enough for two, so when my interviewer got in one I went in straight behind him. Well, it wasn't big enough for two! He looked round, saying, "Oh!", and we had to waddle round, nearly pressed together, until we could get out! I'd never felt so dumb in my life :P
I'd love to go on the 11/12th May if that's possible in London.
THIS is the funniest thing that's happened. I would like tickets in London and I'm @LizDawes
"Children have an amazing ability to take you out of your immediate life, and demand that you deal with them right now. Exactly right here and now. This very minute. Even if you are having a coronary arrest. Even if your numbers just came up on the lottery. Even if the four horsemen of the apocalypse have ridden onto your front lawn and are drinking from your birdbath, you still have to stop what you are doing and deal with whatever it is that has just gripped their world with a hitherto unmeasurable urgency. Only the ringing of a mobile phone is as effective in tearing us away from what we were doing with the speed of a man on a promise of a threesome. I love my kids and I’m grateful for those distractions, especially now. They take me out of myself and remind me that to live like a child, in the here and now, can be a wonderful and liberating thing. But now and then, just occasionally, I do wonder whether the cure is worse than the disease.
My three year old son can take his nappy off on his own. I know he can do this because I just walked into my sitting room to find a huge turd on the floor, next to the grinning pantless boy. And before I could stop him, he kicked it across the room. I don’t mean he stumbled over it, or ran joyfully towards me catching it with his foot as he went. I mean he saw it, considered its position, took a few steps back, crouched slightly, and then ran at it with the biggest kick his three year old little legs could muster. I have just finished clearing up the flying sausage, including from down his legs, between his toes, under his toe nails, and the little extra nugget I found 10 minutes later under the TV table when I wondered what the dog was trying to lick.
My five year old daughter was standing next to the offending shite monster, muttering. As I mopped closer, I heard the words: "Mummy! Mummy! He’s poo’d on the dog!” In my panic I dismissed this as factually inaccurate, until about an hour later, when the dog came to sit on my lap. To be fair I'm not sure he actually poo’d on the dog. I think it’s more likely he sort of wiped his bum on her as she was passing. She’s a very small spaniel so she’s sort of shitty bottom height I suppose.
When I was pregnant I would ask people how they coped with the poo, and the vomit, the half masticated tepid food, the dribble, the seemingly endless supply of snot. They would smile serenely and coo that I really shouldn’t worry, you get used to it, it’s not that bad, not when it’s from your darling own offspring, etcetera.
A more obvious lie hasn’t been told since man first uttered to woman: “Put the map away! I know exactly where I’m going!” I hold those liars personally responsible for my predicament. I could have been forewarned. I might have made other choices. I might even have stayed as a finance lawyer and hired an army of nannies. But no. My life is now changed forever, you bastards, and I’m the full time parent of a footballing turd monster.
And there’s damn all I can do about it but be a good goalie."
One of the funniest things that happened to me was when My brother lived with me.
One day i had used the last of the hand soap, so I used shower gel to wash my hands for a few days until my mum went shopping. I then started to run the bath, however, my brother needed to use the bathroom so I let him use it and stepped outside. When he finished I went back inside the bathroom and noticed that my (feminine wash) looked like it had been used by someone else. I then confronted my brother, "Have you used this? , he was like, "yeah" and I'm like "it's not hand soap! It's a feminine wash for the female private area!" He was like " eeeuuurgghhh what!!!!!!! I never knew, I didn't read it, I just thought it was shower gel!!!!"
I burst out laughing, crying, looking at my brother grimacing.
My Twitter is : @creolitauk and the London dates are best!
In the office kitchen having a coffee with my boss. I asked her if by any chance the 2 guys from tech seating behind me were twins. She could tell but was surprised by my question. At that very moment one of the guys in question enter the premises and so I just asked him directly. He was surprised, detailed his whole siblings situation and left. Later he asked me why I was asking so I just told him that there was this other guy usually seating opposite him that looked just like him! "Yes it was me" he said, I just moved seats 2 days ago..."
This happened yesterday and my team couldn't stop teasing me about it since. Started 2 months ago and feel like this is going to be my signature moment. @londonbeetle
Hi there, I'm guessing the winners of the competition have already been informed via Twitter? I hadn't heard any more about it so I was just confirming...
34 comments:
The funniest thing I can remember is when my boyfriend farted so loudly in bed, I jumped up from being fast asleep thinking it was the doorbell...Then I couldn't fall asleep again from laughing so much! @nlakic in London
My funniest story was returning from a family party and seeing my mum falling out of the car after a few too many drinks! I'll never forget the expression on her face, so funny! The event sounds great and I sure could use some gorgeous new benefit products so I'd go to London on May 12th if lucky enough to be chosen. Thanks!
Lisa @limicooper
I don't know if I have a single funniest experience, I seem to be really good at being in the wrong place at the wrong time!! But something that still gets me going is when I was in high school, we had the loveliest physics teacher that we loved to take the piss out of, he just took life slightly too serious! One of his phrases was (now you have to say this in a northern camp accent imagine ur short, balding and chubby!) "..er, hey guys shush! you are being fasicious!" now we quoted him daily for the next 2 years!
I would love to go to the london event any date @missmatilda91
I would love tickets to the 31st may - 2nd June in London (any of those dates).
My twitter is @hollyarabella
One of my funniest experiences would be the time my best friend picked up a pair of shoes in her hallway and shouted to her mum 'who's disgusting shoes are these? they're so vile throw them away'. She then realised they were in fact my shoes. I've never let her live it down, but shortly after took the shoes to a charity shop..!
I once got dared to put my head through the bars at the very top of the Eiffel Tower whilst on a school trip. I did it, and got my head stuck, and panicked A LOT. My friend (who is now doing a medical degree) calmed me down and got it out. Eventually I found it as funny as everyone else did! @KatieD101 Manchester please!!!! :D
funniest thing i can remember was faling over on duke of edinburgh by getting my foot stuck in a wire tv aerial, after warning everyone else it was there. Safe to say, I lurched forward, ran past everyone and fell over, straight into a cow pat. What made it worse though, my massive rucksack had winded me, so I couldnt even get up!!! useless :(
London 31st May to 2nd June.
My twitter is xprettyinpinkxx
London 31st May to 2nd June.
Im not sure if this is actually funny but more tragic really lol
A couple of years ago, i was running myself a bath with some lavender bubble bath.
As i was running said bath i noticed my cat Ethel sitting on the window sill so i picked him (yes him..dont ask..my bf in all his infinate wisdom decided to call a male cat Ethel)and put him outside the bathroom door, he ran back in and onto the windowsill, by this time my bath was run and i was grotty so i thought forget it im getting in the bath and i closed the bathroom door and got in
Ethel decided to start walking around the edge of the bath (as cats do :/) his back end slipped and he plunged straight into the bath WITH ME STILL IN IT! i screamed the cat jumped straight out like something out of he-man...but needless to say poor ethel smelt like lavender and tea tree for a few days after.
Brighton please :D
The funniest moment I can think of was NYE last year and me, my sis, cousin and boyfriend were on a last minute NYE outfit shopping spree. 15 minutes before the shopping park closed my sis (who is a size 18 absolutely hilarious and a complete ladette) suddenly realises that the party dress is slightly too small and the shop she bought it from is the other side of the retail park so we don't have time to go back. So we quickly run into John Lewis on the hunt for 'pull in pants' to compensate.. however after finally explaining to the shop assistant that were not after 'pulling pants' but 'pull in pants' my sister storms off and attempts to find them herself.. when we find her again 2minutes before the store is due to close we find her actually hopping about the lingerie section stuck in these pulling pants- that she decided to try on for size before she bought them... the best bit was all 3 of us trying to hoist her out of these pant's and seeing ourselves on the stores CCTV.... I actually have photo's! her response to the commotion... she bought them anyway! @tinkerlu1
The funniest moment for me would have to be when my little girl was about 3 months old and my husband was changing her nappy. She had done a 'code brown' and it was quite a mammouth one (hence me getting my husband to do it!). A couple of minutes after taking her upstairs to clean her he shouted for me as if his life depended on it! I rushed up the stairs and to this day I don't know how but he managed to do it but he was covered in poo - all over his hands, arms and even some on his nose! He said she hadn't finished going and he opened her nappy mid-flow!! Then to add insult to injury, my daughter proceeded to wee all over him - it was an absolute classic!! Who says girls can't aim?! It was hilarious! My poor husband - I was on nappy duty for the next week after that whilst he recovered from the ordeal!
Aha, well after thinking and finding it very challenging to single out one of my funniest experiences, I remembered one R.E class a few years ago. We were learning about Jesus and the Gentiles for a few weeks and I had understood the topic completely, kind of. When asked to present a powerpoint to the class, I presented it and to my ignorance, the whole class where laughing the whole way through. Turns out I was saying "Jesus and the Genitals" the whole time! Hahaha, that one is pretty unforgetable! :-)
I would love to attend the Funny Women auditions in Dublin, as well as receiving the Benefit goodie bag! Thanks for the opportunity! <3
Hannah @ chaseyourdreamsx.blogspot.co.uk
my funniest moment started like so many others surely do with one too many glasses of wine, i was at a friends house party who had younger sisters, I decided to break into his shed where i found a small plastic car to drive around the garden so of course i climbed straight in, getting in was no problem but when it came to getting out i found myself very very stuck, the entire party tried to pull me out with no success so they actually had to call out fireman to cut me out of this toy car! I would love to attend the 2nd June event in London should i be lucky, thanks,
Jessica @miss_jessi_lucy
After being almost ready to go out with out looking at the can I covered my hair in deodorant thinking it was hair spray and put hair spray under up arms.
My funniest experience has to be when my friend and I went to a bar one fateful night. The song 'Time of My Life' started blaring, and my friend, under the influence of a few cheeky cocktails, proceeded to hunt down a partner for the infamous lift. Now, this wouldn't have been an issue if she'd chosen the right kind of guy - not every man can lift a gal fully over their head - nor can most women for that matter (we tried that).
What followed was my friend running straight up to all of the small, anti-social, and generally ill-equipped men for this type of ambush, and shouting "YOU - LIFT ME!" in a ferociously serious tone. As expected, most declined and escaped the situation with an awkward shuffle, but unfortunately some brave souls let their politeness get the better of them and agreed. A lot of male egos were shattered that night thanks to those failed lifts. Possibly some bones too.
That lovely memory hits me every time I hear that song now. If the same occurs to those poor men, I sincerely hope they aren't too traumatised.
@undertheclouds
I can make London 2nd June :)
Thank you! x
I have a couple of mortifying things that have happened that set me off in the fits of giggles whenever I think of them, so let's go.
Last year, I was heading to the train station from work. I turned to go into the ticket office when I saw the train was there, but it was ok, I had my ticket in hand, put it through the machine, took it out and ran gracefully towards the door of the train. It was like Baywatch, slow mo, wind in the hair, big long strides, when the doors started beeping as they began to close. But once again, it was ok, I slid through the closing doors, smug in the knowledge that I had made it, and very gracefully at that, or not. The doors had closed on my back leg, my front leg went from under me, I ended up on my knee waiting for the doors to beep open hehee Laughed the entire way home heh
I was walking home from the train station one sunny day last year. I decided I was warm, so took off my jacket and toddled about 5 minutes down the road. For some reason I looked down and saw that my shirt was open down to my bellybutton!! Bra displayed for all the world to see! I don't wear that shirt anymore...
Finally, a few years ago, while walking through a really busy intersection in town and made a holy show of myself. This was at 2pm and I was legging it to make the train. I was nearly across the road in my absolute speed when I rolled over on my ankle and just reached out to grab anything that would stop me falling flat on my face. I managed to grab a lamp post, and because I'd been walking so fast, swung 360 degrees all the way around the post, like I was in Singing in the Rain and ended back where I'd started. I will never forget the look on people's faces as they tried their hardest not to burst out laughing hehe I even said to them "and I haven't even been drinking"! I had to make one of those pretend phone calls on the way to the station because I couldn't stop laughing and didn't want to look like a lunatic walking alone hysterically laughing!
I'd love to go to the Dublin auditions, thanks so much!
One of my funniest ever moments has to have been just last week. I had large bubble wrap from a delivery on the kitchen table but it must have fallen to the floor. My eldest lad (16) was walking in in the dark, stood on the bubble wrap and dropped to the floor as if he'd been shot!
Even typing this I've tears in my eyes laughing at the memory, I ran out and tried to help him up but his expression had me on my knees with the laughter - he insists I did it purposely. I wish, Aar, I wish!
@itscherrysue
Dublin x
When I worked for a beauty magazine, we decided to order a pizza delivery for lunch. We got the poor new sales girl (now a good friend of mine) to call up and offer payment in the form of hair straighteners and electric shavers that we had in the office!
Needless to say the pizza man on the phone was not game (it probably didn't help that 1. we were offering female products and 2. He was foreign and didn't understand much past 'extra pepporoni' and 'cheesy stuffed crust')
After fruitlessly trying to pursuade him she said indignantly: 'alright mate, I was only trying to be nice!'. The memory of it still makes me roar to this day. And of course, I had to become friends with a girl who is game for a laugh like that!
I don't live near any of those cities so unfortunately I can't go to the shows, I just wanted to share my story in case it makes anyone giggle. But if Benefit want to give a goodie bag as a second prize I'd welcome it with open arms! :)
Forgot to say, twitter name is @jenniretourne x
I totally forgot to leave my Twitter name in my stories above due to laughter ;) it's @lovelygirlybits thanks!
My funniest, and probably most embarassing experience was quite a long time ago when I was about 15, over 10 years ago but still sticks in my mind to this day
I had been on a double date to the park with my friend and the two boys we fancied and towards the end of the day when we were sitting on a bench, the boy I liked leaned over to kiss me, our lips were just about to touch when all of a sudden... splat... a bird pooped right in my eye.
I was hysterical didnt know whether to laugh or cry, everyone else was rolling about laughing at me trying to get it out.
Sadly I didnt get a kiss thst day from the guy I liked but I did eventually, seems he wasnt too put off by the poo escapade.
Id love to hear more funny womens tales at the Edinburgh shows xx @xmisslorix :)
Oh Lawd, I've thought of another.. Heading to college last year I grabbed my walking jacket from my swim bag as the forecast said rain. I didn't realise (at the time) my shampoo had spilled and soaked into it. I was happily trodding along in the rain (thinking I smelled fabulous) when I noticed people looking at me funny. The rain was reacting to the shampoo and I was foaming, FOAMING! Mortification, I hopped into a passing cab with embarrassment but as I heated up little bubbles started to rise off me, I was in the passenger seat and the cabbie (god love him) didn't know where to look. The more I patted and smoothed my jacket down the more bubbles came up! It took a long while to laugh at that one :D
While I was still in high school I struggled with home ec classes to say the least. One monumental muck up involved a fresh batch of flapjacks that looked horrendous but my family were nice enough to finish off (and make out they were delicious). One afternoon I'd just returned from school to hear my brother call out from his room "why have you left a flapjack on my bed? " I replied with a very confused "I haven't..."
The cat had been sick. It was a dead cert for my flapjack. The mention of flapjacks in any context has now been known to put mother into such a fit of giggles you can't get sense out of her for an hour.
@laura_jcrossman I'd love any of the London dates x
My funniest moment happened a few years ago at a bus stop.
I was heading home from work and listening to my iPod. I had the music up loud blocking out the noise of the traffic/other people and was listening away, when I suddenly had the urge to fart.
Sadly, because of a medical condition, I can't keep farts in, I have to let them out or it can be very painful. On occassion I have been sick from holding it, so horrible and all as it is, when I have to fart, I have to fart.
So I did.
Only, because I was listening to my iPod, loudly, I didn't ease the fart out, I let rip, long and loud. I figured if I couldn't hear the fart over the music, then neither could anyone else.
I was wrong. Nobody else at the bus stop had Pat Benatar screaming 'We are youuuunnnngggg' in their ear blocking out all noise, something I overlooked. Of course they heard, and smelled, the fart. Of course they did.
But I didn't realise for several minutes. It was only when I noticed somebody MOVING AWAY FROM ME and the smell wafted up to my nose that I realised.
I was absolutley mortified. And also overcome by a fit of the giggles.
So I alternated between frantically rocking back and forward muttering 'ohmygod ohmygod' and HOWLING laughing.
I'll never forget that bus journey, never ever.
I'm @beatingblog on Twitter and the Dublin date is the one for me.
Thanks! Great competition.
Manchester 20th April please @ivyclara
I'm not sure if I think this is funny- all who I have told have literally fallen about laughing..maybe im still traumatised.As a teen I worked in an elderly home for the blind-I used to sing songs with them, talk to them and eat sweets with them and I really loved it. As it was a nursing home, some of the residents at times could be rather difficult but it didnt phase me. One morning I sat next to a lady and asked her if she wanted a lemon bon-bon. She didnt reply, but this was quite normal as she sometimes didnt answer.As she was blind she had to be fed so I popped a sweet into her mouth, which she then spat onto the floor..i perservered and started singing 'Daisy daisy..' Her fave song then tried her with another sweet.once again she spat it out....after a while I told one of the nurses and after lots of fuss it became apparent that the poor old lady had not been with us (she had passed away)for 2 hours. I had been singing and sharing stories with the deceased old lady for at least an hour of that..as well as trying to feed her bon-bons.I questioned whether to share this but her relatives even found it funny and were comforted in the fact she had had a good 'send off' with sweets and her favourite songs!
My story-my friend and I were travelling through China and she had a habit of not being careful when she went into the chinese squat toilets. One day she slipped in the wee around the toilet and went flying and landed on her bum in the squat toilet- oh how we giggled! She was a bit more careful after that!
I would love London on the 11th May. I'm @KrystleF on Twitter.
This story happened to me in my teens, at a time when I thought I was cool and the whole world was watching me:
Me and my Family (mother father & Brother) were in the car on our way to our yearly beach break (we lived inland), since it was and 8hr drive to our destination, we would leave at 2am to get there at a reasonable hour. Every year my dad would need to stop for a "bos-kak". If you are south african, you will know what that is. If you are not, its the reason why men have to take the lo roll into the bush with them.
My Dad, would still be wearing his PJ tracksuit, and his slippers (this was the 80's so everything is made of towelling), and we would get out of the car and stretch our legs while he disappeared behind a suitable tree with his bog roll. Cue me hiding from the cars streaming past us and trying to avoid being seen.
6 minutes later my dad comes out from behind the bush, walking rather awkwardly. Then he gets gingerly into the car, starts it and starts driving to get back into the swarm of cars all heading for the Coast.
Of all the trees he could have chosen to er... squat under, he chose one surrounded by Blackjacks, Which are small black seed pods that will attach themselves to any fabric by means of prickly/thorny barbs. And now they were in his socks, his trousers, and yes... his underpants.
My dad is now HIGHLY uncomfortable. Because we are now back in the traffic and he doesn't want to stop, he starts hanging on the steering wheel lifting his ass off the seat and tells my mom to put her hand down the back of his pants to try to pull the blackjacks out of his ass.
I am now in a puddle of shame on the floor of the car. I can only imagine the looks my dad was getting from people in the cars around us.
When I look up my mom has her head between my dad's legs trying to get to the blackjacks in my dad's socks and slippers, but that is NOT what it looks like at all. Then she is back up and has her hands down his pants trying to get at ones she must have missed the first time she was in there. I am crying with laughter and shame and embarrassment, my brother is sleeping through all of this, and because I am on the floor covered in jackets (trying to hide) I can only imagine what other folks are thinking.
I told this story to my friends at the weekend, and we were crying with laughter, its funny now, but my goodness, it wsn't at all funny 15 years ago, when the world was watching my mother and father engaging in some kind of wierd act in the car.
I am Skew_earring on twitter and I would love to go to the Dublin date!
my story is simple. i was driving in LA and was pulled over for going slightly over the speed limit. evidently, i also had an unpaid parking ticket. mr. officer asked me to get out of my tiny, low two seater car, a difficulty when wearing an above the knee skirt and heels....as i got out, the elastic in my knickers went and fell to my ankles when i stood up, which i stepped out of and threw into the car. mr. chp looked me in the eye, said he knew why i must've been in a hurry and said i'd better be on my way. no ticket by way of embarrassment. awesome.
well there has been many..
i had headphones on and was coming home from work with my gigantic marc jacobesque style green bag.. i jumped on the tube and to my horror didnt hear that the doors were shutting.. my huge bag was stuck in the doors. usually the doors reopen and u are fine but in this case they didnt and so i was half in and half out of the train! 2 men near me valliantly tried to yank me backwards, *blush*.. and annoyingly people on the outside tried to do the same thing.. finally a man on the outside put down his big stack of paperwork and said i will push ur bag in *mouthed through the glass* at this point the train doors opened and shut very quickly for me and bag to fly inside and all of us nearly fall over and for the doors to shut again sending poor helpful mans paperwork into the air... i turned round and thanked the carriage and people actually clapped!! @indiecindi
Great competition - I love Benefit and stand ups, so what a combination. Also, great to see support for female comedians!
My funny experience was when I went for an interview with a company, and after meeting my interviewer in the company's reception we had to go across to another building for the interview. There was one of those circular door things you push to go round in, and I thought each compartment looked big enough for two, so when my interviewer got in one I went in straight behind him. Well, it wasn't big enough for two! He looked round, saying, "Oh!", and we had to waddle round, nearly pressed together, until we could get out! I'd never felt so dumb in my life :P
I'd love to go on the 11/12th May if that's possible in London.
http://girlinthelens.com/
THIS is the funniest thing that's happened. I would like tickets in London and I'm @LizDawes
"Children have an amazing ability to take you out of your immediate life, and demand that you deal with them right now. Exactly right here and now. This very minute. Even if you are having a coronary arrest. Even if your numbers just came up on the lottery. Even if the four horsemen of the apocalypse have ridden onto your front lawn and are drinking from your birdbath, you still have to stop what you are doing and deal with whatever it is that has just gripped their world with a hitherto unmeasurable urgency. Only the ringing of a mobile phone is as effective in tearing us away from what we were doing with the speed of a man on a promise of a threesome. I love my kids and I’m grateful for those distractions, especially now. They take me out of myself and remind me that to live like a child, in the here and now, can be a wonderful and liberating thing. But now and then, just occasionally, I do wonder whether the cure is worse than the disease.
My three year old son can take his nappy off on his own. I know he can do this because I just walked into my sitting room to find a huge turd on the floor, next to the grinning pantless boy. And before I could stop him, he kicked it across the room. I don’t mean he stumbled over it, or ran joyfully towards me catching it with his foot as he went. I mean he saw it, considered its position, took a few steps back, crouched slightly, and then ran at it with the biggest kick his three year old little legs could muster. I have just finished clearing up the flying sausage, including from down his legs, between his toes, under his toe nails, and the little extra nugget I found 10 minutes later under the TV table when I wondered what the dog was trying to lick.
My five year old daughter was standing next to the offending shite monster, muttering. As I mopped closer, I heard the words: "Mummy! Mummy! He’s poo’d on the dog!” In my panic I dismissed this as factually inaccurate, until about an hour later, when the dog came to sit on my lap. To be fair I'm not sure he actually poo’d on the dog. I think it’s more likely he sort of wiped his bum on her as she was passing. She’s a very small spaniel so she’s sort of shitty bottom height I suppose.
When I was pregnant I would ask people how they coped with the poo, and the vomit, the half masticated tepid food, the dribble, the seemingly endless supply of snot. They would smile serenely and coo that I really shouldn’t worry, you get used to it, it’s not that bad, not when it’s from your darling own offspring, etcetera.
A more obvious lie hasn’t been told since man first uttered to woman: “Put the map away! I know exactly where I’m going!” I hold those liars personally responsible for my predicament. I could have been forewarned. I might have made other choices. I might even have stayed as a finance lawyer and hired an army of nannies. But no. My life is now changed forever, you bastards, and I’m the full time parent of a footballing turd monster.
And there’s damn all I can do about it but be a good goalie."
One of the funniest things that happened to me was when My brother lived with me.
One day i had used the last of the hand soap, so I used shower gel to wash my hands for a few days until my mum went shopping.
I then started to run the bath, however, my brother needed to use the bathroom so I let him use it and stepped outside. When he finished I went back inside the bathroom and noticed that my (feminine wash) looked like it had been used by someone else. I then confronted my brother, "Have you used this? , he was like, "yeah" and I'm like "it's not hand soap! It's a feminine wash for the female private area!" He was like " eeeuuurgghhh what!!!!!!! I never knew, I didn't read it, I just thought it was shower gel!!!!"
I burst out laughing, crying, looking at my brother grimacing.
My Twitter is : @creolitauk and the London dates are best!
FORGOT TO SAY.. @indiecindi london dates please x
FORGOT TO SAY.. @indiecindi london dates please x
In the office kitchen having a coffee with my boss. I asked her if by any chance the 2 guys from tech seating behind me were twins. She could tell but was surprised by my question. At that very moment one of the guys in question enter the premises and so I just asked him directly. He was surprised, detailed his whole siblings situation and left. Later he asked me why I was asking so I just told him that there was this other guy usually seating opposite him that looked just like him! "Yes it was me" he said, I just moved seats 2 days ago..."
This happened yesterday and my team couldn't stop teasing me about it since. Started 2 months ago and feel like this is going to be my signature moment. @londonbeetle
Hi there, I'm guessing the winners of the competition have already been informed via Twitter? I hadn't heard any more about it so I was just confirming...
Thank you
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